Ah, the Crickets Chirp
As in, the silent blog. Long gaps in blog posts generally mean one of two things. Either we are so busy livin’ and learnin’ that I can’t stop to catch up and post it all, or I’m operating under the “if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” Let’s just say this break has been the latter. And though I have come to expect cyclical bouts of educational doldrums, this one hit me particularly hard because right up until the moment it started, things were going so smoothly. I’ve finally got it figured out! I have found the perfect balance between structure and self-directed learning! I’ve found the right methods to help all my kids learn! And then, quite suddenly, noone is happy. Alex is fighting everything I try to encourage him to work on, yet when not kept busy he mills about picking fights with his sisters for entertainment and seems completely unable to find himself something productive to do. Aubrey shows absolutely no sign of ambition or plan beyond the moment and Jordan can’t focus on what she’s doing for more than 3 seconds unless it involves my undivided attention and is littering the house with “started” projects.
Of course, at this point in my homeschooling journey, I have the depth and patience to handle these kids of days/weeks/months with grace. You didn’t really think that did you? Ok, so after a sustained period of family grumpiness, we seem to be shifting out of it. Not because I did anything special, just because time has passed and kids are moving on. And I am reminded once again that I am not really in control of their development, or their educational journey, even when I try to pretend to be.
Out of the blue my husband decides to start planning a new treehouse and Alex eagerly jumps up to help. They’ve been planning, ciphering, shopping at huge chain home improvement stores—you know, male bonding, with math and power tools. He’s recently had some big new experiences–first season with a competitive soccer team, first gymnastics meet, first hunting trip with dad, grandpa and uncle, and there are moments I see the young man he will soon become. From a distance, it is easy to step back and see that in between bouts of drying me batty, he really was accomplishing and experiencing a lot.
And, I remind myself that it was really important that Aubrey not feel like she had to be miss Straight A college bound—that she felt that she had a full range of options open to her. It smarted a bit to realize that somewhere deep down I wanted her to achieve all that college prep stuff but just have the disdain of playing the system. But, I did my job too well and she really is a free spirit. We did both read College Without Highschool and sit down and have a bit of a planning meeting. Which went well, but she has not been motivated to implement any of the things we discussed. Not sure what she’ll be doing next semester! But, I have to learn to trust her. She recently checked out every book she could find from the library on the Japanese language and culture. She would really like to go to the Concordia Language Camps next summer and then travel to Japan at some point. (This would require some sort of motivation towards earning some money on her part) I want to step in and make her realize her dreams, but then I step back and remember that she has to believe in herself and execute these plans herself and it wouldn’t be her journey if I made it happen. You see, I’m a planner, an organizer, a make-things-happener. Maybe she’ll follow this path through, and maybe she’ll switch to something else. Though it may kill me, it is time to step back and let her become the make-things-happener in her own life. Well, at least if she makes the choices I think she should (Kidding! Kidding!)
And, really, Jordan just wants a little attention. Ok, nonstop attention. When Alex was gone for the weekend on his hunting trip, Aubrey happened to be gone to a friends for almost two days and it was just Jordan and I. Ah, the bliss–she had me all to herself. Such a sweet and charming, engaging, clever, girl to be around! It’s just the sharing of attention that we need to work on. You’d think we’d have sooo much time together–but it is all split between me and whatever chore is at hand, between me and another sibling….. I really need to work at carving out time every day devoted to giving her the attention she craves or it becomes a need I feel helpless to fulfill.
I made it through another one without putting them on the bus. I did, eventually, come to realize that their day away at their one day a week schooly homeschool discovery program was making an unwelcome break in the flow of our lives. Beyond that being fancy talk for us homeschoolers don’t like to wake up early, it gave them that day of institutional go from class to class on command and even that short amount of time seemed to interfere with their ability to adjust back to being self directed. Or maybe they were just tired. They have made lots of friends and enjoyed the program and I do think they benefited from their experiences, but the current plan is to drop the program in the new year.
So, the next lull will be handled with patience and grace, because now I really do know it all.