As I’ve mentioned before, all three of my kids are currently attending a four week public school summer program.   Off they go on a school bus in the morning and quiet descends upon the house for 7 hours.   Yes, they enjoy going.  Yes, I do it because I use the time to get some much needed extra hours in at work.   But….. That’s not the heart of it.

The truth is that I NEED this time.    I’m shocked at the level of my neglect.   I don’t even make their lunches (there’s a pile of prepackaged organic psuedo healthy snack food–have at it kids!).  I feel guilty for all of a second that they are on a school bus for 1 1/2 a day to get to a school 10 minutes away (the bus ride is part of the experience!).  Things that would have drived me bonkers if they attended all year (what do you mean you are passing out candy to students who give correct answers?????), merely cause a shrug.    This is my summer break.

 For 7 hours a day, I don’t have to referee squabbles, drive to outings, plan, execute or check school work, plan execute or clean up lunch….    

And please don’t think I’m doing anything productive (well, I’m working for about 3-4 hours or more) like cleaning out the school room, organizing the art cabinet, or making cookies from scratch (well, I was really hunkering for chocolate chip cookies today and I almost did bake).   This morning after the school bus pulled away I sat on the front porch enjoying my flower garden, sipping coffee and reading for over an hour.   

I’m reading The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World and it has made me ponder happiness.   One of my best friends has affectionately referred to me as a “get on the bus or get out of the way” type of person.  So, why then am I happy–no downright giddy–to sit on my porch doing nothing?    I find myself wondering what life would be like if the kids did this all year.  Surely I’d get bored.  My dh would insist that I would very quickly fill up the extra hours with committments, because that is what I do.   So, does that mean I’m more happy when I’m busy running from activity to activity or making myself “essential” either at home or at work?   Probably, I’m sure my giddiness at solitude would quickly turn to boredom.  Or, at the very least all the stupid public school beurocracies, rules, rewards and punishments would become more of a hassle than a few uninterrupted moments of reading are worth.   But, maybe I need to slow down a bit and make sure I’m filling my life with the moments I want to fill it with.

A few weeks ago my teenaged daughter asked me a rather telling question.  What do adults do for fun?   I suppose that means she doesn’t see me having fun all that often, or that I don’t appear to be having fun at what I do.  Well, I certainly couldn’t tell her I teach teenagers how to drive for fun, but what do I do?   I mumbled out a few things and she asked why I don’t do them more often.    I think it is easy as a mom and even easier as a homeschooling mom to be too busy to do the things you enjoy.  I happen to be easy to amuse—a good book, a glass of wine, cuddling up with dh to watch a movie, baking something yummy, a nice walk….. but I do need to be seen doing these things.  So, one of my goals for next year is to make sure my kids see me having fun.  And to appear like I’m having fun doing what I do, so that maybe next year I won’t be so burnt out. 

 For now, I sure am glad that all three kids are enjoying summer school, because I’m enjoying my book.